Quotes

Here are some funnies....


Billy Connolly Quotes

Two guys are talking and one says to the other: "What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?" The other one says, "I'd sh*g everything that moved...What would you do?" And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

Save the Trees?...Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!

What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of cigarette packet.

Poor Michael Jackson and these sex allegations. As if it's not bad enough him being a Jehova's Witness, they're accusing him of behaving like a catholic priest!

American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head - supposedly for people to drive along the freeway with.

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'