Pimp Strong

K I'm listening to Fairytale of New York by the Pogues...and this is a long post...oh well...today's emails where too funny...almost peed at my desk

"Car's big as balls" i love this song


Sean Connery- “I’ll take the rapists for $100, Alex”
Alex- “that’s “therapists”

“I’m the looks of this operation”
“Netted ham”
“That’s not a mullet that’s a skullet”
“This beers no good, the head’s gone, where’s your boss—Kim’s grampa at the wedding”
“So Kim and Nikki are at the bar, drinking, picking up, they are both in the same…whoa, I almost said same bed together…I’ll say same boat together.”

“Take for example if someone says Your FAT…eerr a fraud”
“Lot’s of students got that wrong o the test, Nicole, you got that one wrong didn’t you?”
“Nicole, can you move back, I can’t see kim.”
“You’d have to be living under a rock not to know who she is, Nicole, you don’t know do you?”
“I’m slightly retarded with a mouse”
Linda rubbing her wrists “I just fell in the parking lot”
Linda-It smells good in here
Me-smells like baking(apparently sounding too much like bacon..told you I don’t pronounce my g’s)
Kim-is Lindsay here
Dan-Lindsay who?
Kim—uh, Lindsay Plumber
Lindsay, picking up the phone the night ryan was over—“what the hell do you want?”

Me, laughing so hard I can’t breath “I’m sorry, it’s a joke..don’t be mad” all to a dial tone, since Linds hung up (the whole lesbian thingy on msn)

Lindsay in class whispering “I’m gassy”
Me, loudly- Your gassy?

Me- I’m gassy (at Swiss Chalet)
As my elbow makes a loud farting noise

Lindsay—Whoaoops- as she drops the lasagna spatula and it splashed up my nice new light cords

Kim’s friend- “Girls, don’t you have a present you want to give kim?”
As well all blush and I try to slid under the table

Someone asking Jaclyn if she was pregnant

Me trying to hop over Lindsay on my birthday when she was in Kim’s bed and I fell flat on her legs.

Lindsay’s mom calling me Sunday morning asking “Have you seen my daughter” after Lindsay had been at my house since Saturday and went unnoticed.

Dan convincing us to not go to school and drink Autumn blush

Lindsay making me drop my domino’s pizza on the mat that a certain Jakers pisses on, and I pick it back up and eat it…

My face on Lindsay’s shirt and the fact I almost peed myself 2 minutes before my blind date

The fact that Lindsay and friends came on my blind date

The fact that I let Lindsay and said friends come one my blind date

Damn Adam touching himself on my blind date

The fact I’m still not too sure who paid for my last drink on my blind date

Karaoke night..damn Shania Twain…and apparently not only do I talk loud, I’m a loud singer…

Kim’s continual nakedness throughout the school year..

The fact that I know more about Kim’s underwear than I do about my own…

Arrested Development that show just speaks for itself

“Tina you fat Lard…come and get your dinner!”

The day kim sat on her chocolate chip muffin and it left a nice brown colour in the most embarrassing spot…

The fact I almost peed myself at school when I noticed the spot

The fact I was looking at kim’s butt to notice the spot

The day I broke the chair before’s kim’s presentation…and Lindsay’s loud laugh ringing in my ears

Suck and blow

The fact the only day we shut up in family law was the day we got in trouble

The day someone shushed us in class….lol

The fact that I got so bored in class, I invented new episodes of third watch, queer as folk, and numerous movies….

The day Lindsay gracefully got into kim’s trunk to get into the back seat

Me “excuse me, where are you bathrooms?”
Man- gesturing wildly and mumbling
Me- sorry can I use your bathrooms?
Man- gestures nowhere
Me- bathrooms?
Me- I’m not from here, where are your bathrooms?

All the while Lindsay and kim are backing away and not helping me understand this man

Lindsay-Uni (on several occasions)
Lindsay –That was pretty fucking loud
Lindsay – Fuuucccckkk Offff (in a high pitched, bird like way)

When we were in Ottawa and Lindsay actually stopped and stopped me when a stranger offered us sandwiches that we found out to be lettuce and peanut butter

Guy on bus—So, what year are you guys?
Me—we actually go to Sir Sandford Fleming, we are in the law clerk program
Guy- “oh” turning around and not talking to us the entire way home

When I peed in the boys bathrooms on our way home from Ottawa and some man was not too impressed with that..

Lindsay’s expression when I told her I peed in the boys bathroom and I didn’t have time to wash my hands….lol

Me—Lock your doors
Lindsay—scoffs at me

And several weeks later, people trying getting into our cars..

Ryan—wanna bite? (offering me his pita)
Me—uh, no, but thanks

Ryan—did you see that guy
Me—what guy?
Ryan—that guy who was freak dancing with you as you were leaving the floor

The day my sex on the beach smelled and tasted like a ceasar at the Montreal House…

The fact that kim and I used msn to message each other and we were literally only three feet away from each other.

Kim telling me with a straight face that she could beat me in a race cause she was a track star in school

Me finding out that kim was a track star in elementary school..when I was a track star too….

Me telling kim she’s gonna get a better mark in Corporate law cause she’s a “trackstar”

Me dating Joe DiNarro from Lindsay’s Abnormal Psych class video

Nick’s homemade video

The day Lindsay and I went clothes shopping with Adam

Me stepping in hobo puke on my way home at Christmas time…

Me—is this the quick bus to London?
Bus driver—you bet
4 hours later, after talking the long bus I arrive in London, only to get hit on by an South American Jungle Teacher

First year when the drunk man followed me to the bathroom at the bus station

First semester when ben tried convincing me to strip at the bar

The first time Lindsay was mean to someone else around me and she called a group of people “freaks” in the hallway…I knew she was just like me…thank god

The day I almost made Kim choke to death on the Cadbury eggs linds got me for my birthday, than I laughed at her…as we got lost in an above ground parking garage…

The day we got lost on the way to uxbridge

The fact that I know Patty wears white underwear, bra and had a cesarian….

The day patty mooned Lindsay and jac..

The day Linds and I thought we saw Bob biking in spandex

The day lindsay blew bob's hair away with her bulldog speach, and the ensuing Johnny Cochran of white woman jokes

"you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap ol' faggot" this song is great!!!!!