And Juan said..

"um bigomy's allowed right? cause I'm kinda promised to this woman they refer to as "netted ham" ' Lindsay Plumber was devasted...just than she farted..."oh, i guess i wasn't pregant, just gassey" Lindsay invited Juan Ricardo into her home...as he was walking into the house he picked the wedgie that his tightie whities had caused...just than he shreiked in terror..."what is that!" he yelled, Lindsay looked down and said "that's Jake" Juan Ricardo backed up slowly...crying tiny tears down his bronzed cheeks....he got outside and fled onto his scooter..Lindsay came out and demanded to know what was wrong. Juan replied "in my country, we call those Cujorittos" we usually eat them, in a burrito fashion...but when cornered, they become deadly...and they're signs of infertility, not sure how that custom came about, but you know..."

Lindsay realized just then that the man she had always lusted for was never meant to be....she would not be having any mulleted-unibrow-little Juan Ricardo Plumbers any time soon....

just than Juan said "in my country, if you are able to find a tropical zebra, that is a sign of a strong marriage...go my child and find a tropical zebra..and when you come back we will have lusty sinful sex on your bed..you know the one with the fruit juice stain.?"

Just then, Juan was thinking of something he could write to a dirty magazine, but like most people, he could not for the life of him think of something that rhymed with 'throbbing manhood'

So lindsay put on her best outfit..a hypercolour t-shirt...tapered acid washed jeans and hi-tops...and on she went..thinking of the impending hot sex she was soon gonna be having....before she left to find her tropical zebra...she knew where she had to go..she was going to find Kim "the track star", she would know where to find this creature...

Tune in tomorrow to find out whether or not Lindsay found the magical creature that would allow her to marry Juan Ricardo Delhottie...and would allow her to have Hustler style sex on her bed....that she may or may not video tape for the blog...or send to people she meets through Lavalife...