Lewis Black

Is a hoot!!! I just finished re-watching Lewis Black: Black on Broadway...and i've never laughed so hard....i think i almost peed..i tried finding some quotes of his on the internet but there isn't much...but here's a few....

There should be three levels of government:

Jesus Christ
God Damnit
Fuck Me!

Lactose intolerant milk kiss my dick. If you're lactose intolerant you can't drink milk. So what's in the fucking carton? Get it out of there, get it away from my milk. It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself.

i'm not actually a comedienne, i'm a magician

You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....w-what it does....it's illegal.

after showing a commercial advocating President Bush] Here's the message I'm getting from this commercial: "We had to take out Saddam Hussein because, as the Communist leader of Germany, he blew up the World Trade Center, and that's why we went to Vietnam. Vote for Reagan!"

You ever read the ingredients in sunblock? I've never seen those words anywhere! You don't even know what your putting on your face, do ya? You go "oh no the suns out ohh ohh ohh!!" It could be zebra cum! You don't know!!"

Lol just going through my pictures..and here's little miss "i sit like a lady" Lindsay

Britt giving her boyfriend..well....actually he's just tickling her..but still...he looks very very happy

Vicki with her fishbowl..

This is my "fish bowl" on St. Paddy's day...

Lindsay reading cosmo...Kim reading Cosmo..Ian...well not sure what he was doing..im sure he was reading Cosmo too...

This is Jaclyn copping a feel when i was in Toronto....see she can let her freak out when she wants to.

This is my blood poisoning..too bad my black permanent marker overload distracts you

Just look into his eyes..they are only mildly creepy..look..and think about that when you are sleeping

It's Baaaaack...

sorry, since my life is boring....very very very boring..and i don't have any " i called the wrong number and talked to the girl for like 15 minutes" stories..here's some funnies from the Daily Show with Jon Stewart..enjoy

Jon Stewart: [Bill O'Reilly accused The Daily Show of being part of the war on Christmas] And let me say to you, Bill O'Reilly, and the entire O'Reilly clan, "Feliz Navidad." Although I'm sure you're concerned that *that's* getting too prevalent in this country, as well.

[after discussing Bill O'Reilly's one-year-out-of-date, presumably sarcastic "Merry Christmas, Jon Stewart!"]
Jon Stewart: You know what? It's okay, if Bill O'Reilly needs to have an enemy, needs to feel persecuted, you know what? Here's my Kwanzaa gift to him. Are you ready? All right.
[holiday overlay frame fades in]
Jon Stewart: I'm your enemy, make me your enemy. I, Jon Stewart... hate Christmas. Christians! Jews- morality. And I will not rest, until every year, families gather to spend December 25th together... at Osama's homobortionpot'n'commiejizzporium.
[audience laughs and cheers]


Ed Helms: Jon, I'm being told Whittington's condition has now been upgraded from "stable" to "stable but still shot in the face by the vice president." It's good news really.


Jon Stewart: [on Vice President Dick Cheney's shooting victim Harry Whittington heart attack] I am downgrading the story from "incredibly hilarious" to "still funny but a little sad".

Jon Stewart: I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?
Rob Corddry: Tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face.
Jon Stewart: But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?
Rob Corddry: In a post-9/11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

Jon Stewart: How powerful a man do you have to be to shoot someone in the face and have that guy say "my bad"?

Special..so Special..

Well linds can't say i've laughed that hard in a long time..oh god...thats too funny for words....however..i have to say that before the concert on friday, britt vicki and i went to a bar..and vicki and i were having a few drinks (britt was sober) and i told her about the "i like your panties" story...she liked it lol she may find you to be a bit "different" but she thought it was funny..lol

lead singer playing the piano...

lead singer looking like the devil

clapping during Tired of Waiting...one girl looks like she's picking her nose...can you find her?

bassist and guitarist

Lead singer...again

The blurry spot wearing plaid ( i actually forgot how to spell that) is the lead singer of the Trews...trust me the pictures don't actually get better

My Funny Story..

So it was Friday nite and I'm trying to call the girls to get something going for the nite...I call what I think is Ju's cell phone number...this girl answers that sounds a lot like Ju so I proceed to talk to her...conversation went as such:

Linds "Hey! How ru?"
Girl "Hey - I'm good how ru?"
L "Good - what u doing?"
G "Just got off work...Who is this???"
L "It's Lindsay!"
G "Oh! Sorry - I can't believe I didn't recognize your voice!"
L "Haha- I didn't know u worked today. How was it?"
G "it was good - I got a job at a farm."
L "A farm? What? Really? are u insane?"
G "umm what? No... it's good."
L "Oh..well what do u do at this farm?"
G "Just normal farm stuff - nothing exciting."
L "Huh ok - that's kind of random - but cool."
G "Yeah I guess...so what u doing?"
L "I'm just sitting at home...bored...trying to figure out something to do tonite."
G "Oh yeah."
L "Yeah what are u doing? Are u at home now?"
G "No I'm at my boyfriend's house for dinner and just so u know my home phone got cut off."
(Me now just realizing that this girl I'm talking to isn't Ju at all....)
L "Oh...."
G "Is there a number that I can call u back at?"
L "Err...ummm....just call me at home..."
G "Ok cool."
Then a beep comes in on the phone...
L "Sorry - there's a beep."
G "No prob I'll wait..."
L "err...umm ok."
L "Hey - so umm I'm gonna let u go ok??"
G "Yeah ok - it was good talking to you - I'll talk to you later!"
L " Yeah - have a good one!"

and there u have my extremly long wrong number phone call!! LOL I laughed SOOOO hard over that one - and Ju called like 2 seconds after I hung up with the girl I thought was her and we killed ourselves laughing cause this girl is gonna call her friend Lindsay and she's gonna be all - I never called u...creepy!! lol I'm so cool...and slow most days.

The Trews

rocked last night...they played at the Sarnis Sports and Entertainment Centre..a fairly large arena..yet only a couple hundred people showed up...i guess that's what happens when the band plays here three times in under six months....that and the expextation of an underage crowd...we got there at like 7:00 when the doors opened..we walked in and Vicki's like "we're leaving" since there were like 20 14 year olds right there..a majority of the crowd was under 19..and acted that way....they tried moshing but not in the traditional sense of the word..they just stood in a huge circle and punched and kicked each other...and this guy that was in front of me smelt..bad..like he hadn't showered in in a few days..and he was all sweaty..so Vicki sprayed him with perfume..but most of it got in my mouth....We were really close most of the concert..about 20 feet from the stage..i was really impressed with them..they did a good concert despite the sucky crowd....

Today my dad took me to see the Da Vinci Code...it wasn't good..not even a little bit..after waiting since last September..it was a huge let down..the book was far superior and more exciting...and less expensive than the cost of going to the movies...which i had to pee through twice!

Here's Britt....can you take a guess why I hate clothes shopping with these two??

I'm finding it so much quicker to post pictures than actual writing lol..anyways that's me and my hillbilly niece at Christmas time...

This is Vicki..she looks like she's giving someone a lap dance..but she's just sitting down...very excitedly lol

This is an old picture from Rock and Bowl night...I drank three of those..in 2.5 hours...I peed for like 8 hours straight

Fall Out Boy!

So I was in Toronto this weekend for the Fall Out Boy concert (Which was excellent!!) But let me take you through my day! So I got up at 8:30am to get ready to take the bus for 10:30am. Get to the bus station and the guy is like - do u have ur student card on you? I say oh...no. Then he's like - can u remember ur student number? I can give u the student rate then. And amazingly I did remember my student number so I got the bus ticket for $15! Sweet!! Get on the bus and off we go! We're like 20 mins late cause the DVP was closed...however we get there none the less and we get off at the Eaton Centre and Fall Out Boy is playing a free concert there - but we didn't stay being as we were gonna see them that nite so we walk into the mall and go shopping - I got a really nice shirt for like $12 - it was a good deal! Around 5pm we leave the mall and take the subway and streetcar to the concert - get in (it started at like 6:30! lol - which was good - they had three opening bands!) So the first band sucked as only openers can - but the best part was on the last song he was singing and then without warning just jumped off the stage...and no one caught him!!! Lol - we were like...ohhh! He got back up after a couple seconds and people helped him back on stage...and he wasn't too hurt - so I had to laugh. He admited that he was drunk anyways - so he didn't hurt himself lol. The second opening band wasn't as bad as the first - but bad none the less. The third band came on - The All American Rejects - and they were good - I like a few of their songs - so it was good. Then Fall Out Boy came on and they put on a really good show! Lots of fun - we were up and dancing lol. Got out of the concert by 10:15pm lol - but that gave us lots of time to go get something to eat before catching the bus back home - we ate at this really good pizza place that was uber cheap!!! So that was a bonus. Then got on the bus and fell asleep and woke up about an hour later with the worst neck pain! lol - but oh well - I was so tired. Then we got back home around 2am and I was in bed by like 3am cause I had to make my mom her mother's day card!! lol And that was my exciting day in the big city!!

First blog in a long time

So not much new and exciting has been happening..even though i died laughing when lindsay told me about her text book doodles..lol oh god. i can only imagine what was in there, especially after the "nikki hearts sheep" note...

anyways on friday, britt, vicki and i got together for our girls night, we ordered pizza and watched The Wedding Singer, Princess Diaries, Into the Deep, and than Reno 911 or whatever it's called...than went home and came back into town saturday morning, cause we went shopping in the states..where britt had her own "special" moment...we were in this store where there was this thing that was shaped like a crescent and it had the static electricity inside it so that when you touched it the static touched your finger..well vicki and i were touching it and than britt touched the other side and was like "oh! there's no side to this!' so i said "what..you just touch the actual static electricity?" and she's like "nope..sorry you just actually have to touch the side to feel the side" she hadn't put her finger out far enough to touch the side of the crescent and assumed there wasn't one there to begine with...so i died laughing at her..

than we went to the food court where we acted like children because of all the fun stickers...i got a happy bunny one that says "you ugly people are nice, you hafta go" and "oops you made me throw up a little"

anyways..i ended up buying a c.d which i don't like, Gettysburg DVD, and The Jesus Papers Book...

anyways, that's the end of everthing that has happened to me in the past month lol, but on the 19th, britt vicki and i are going to see the Trews and getting drunk so i'm sure i'll have more stories after that!

Corporate Law

As we all know Corporate Law wasn't one of my facourite subjects in school...we know this because 1. I had no problem skipping class and 2. my textbook has more doodles than notes in it. Keeping this in mind...my boss asks me to bring in my corporate textbook the other day to help us solve a problem (cause I had no idea...but that was ok cause neither did he.) Anywho - so I go home on lunch hour and look through my textbook and realize that there is no way my boss can flip through my book without thinking I'm crazy...especially with things in there like "Nikki hearts sheep." and "Who dare sush us?!" and the ever so amazing drawings. So what do I do?? I take a black marker and cover up all the bad things in my textbook (which are like every other page.) So now my textbook looks like a U.S.A Government document with everything blacked out and so I give it to my boss to read and he's like...huh - the first couple chapters are highlighted and have notes...but the rest of the textbook is just blacked out things in the margins. I say...yeah I never really liked corporate all that much...lol - and discovered I forgot to blank out the one form (cause we of course filled out all the forms in the book) and I was the King of the Corporation, Nikki was the Queen, Jac was the Jester, Kim was the Popper and Cubbley was the bunny. No doubt my boss thinks I'm special...especially after the breakfast meeting we had the other day when I told them I could set up the website no problem cause I have a couple of my own and he said "Oh why didn't you put it on your resume?" I said "Cause I don't want employers to see them." and then he said.."Oh..OH..I won't ask anymore questions...it could get dangerous." I said "Man! It's not like that at all!! I have a blog and a journal and another website...and they are nothing crazy! Altho to read through the blog I'm sure people would think differently. lol - so needless to say...being as I'm still on probation at work...I need to make a better impression on my boss!! hahaha (and then Nikki reminded me of all the stuff that's in my family law textbook...which is in my desk drawer at work...not blacked out...and he's planning on moving my desk tomorrow morning before I get there....lol wish me luck!!!)