Happy New Year

Since it's been about a week since anyone posted...at this rate we'll never make a 1000!! lol - but it was Christmas and everything gets a break at Christmas - blog included. So let's see here my Christmas was pretty good - we had our buffet dinner of finger foods on Christmas Eve and watched Christmas Vacation as per every year - it's a great tradition! Got up the next morning...well actually my dad called and woke me up lol - it was 9:30am so it's not like it was early - but still - it was funny cause he's all - u just got up?? I've been up since 7! haha We opened out gifts and I got spoiled this year...I got a hair straightener, pj's, Sarah Slean cd, beads so I can make a new necklace, new hat and mitts and a few other things. Then we went to visit my grandparents then Garrett and I headed up to my dad's. We got there and went straight to my sisters house - it was nice - they just moved and I haven't seen her place yet - it's amazing!! Very nice to see everyone too - I helped with dinner - and I only hurt myself once - I cut myself on the plastic wrap lol - my brother in law was all - ur special. lol - ahh well. Lora-Lee got me a new hand bag - she does her best to keep me in style lol - but it's really nice - a levis bag. After dinner we headed back to dad's house and went to bed. Got up the next morning and had Christmas again - Dad and Ruby got me pj's, some tv on dvd, an electric razor and a few small things. All in all I did very well this year! Then after that we got ready and went to my other sisters house and we had a very nice dinner there too - and my brother in law was making Cosmopolitans - well let me tell u he puts just enough cranberry juice to make it pink - the rest is liquor - it was tough to get down lol. They got me purfume - very nice. Then a few of us sat down and played Ramoli - quite fun once u get the hang of it - and I kicked ass!! lol Then we went back to dad's and had a relaxing day and came back home. This brings us to Wednesday. I went out with Ju in the morning to catch up on some boxing day sales - we did alright - I got my calender, some new make-up and some stuff from body shop. Then in the afternoon I went to see Ryan cause he's back from his adventures - it was really nice to see him again - I looked through all his pictures - looked amazing!! I want to go!!
Then Thursday I did nothing...well not nothing - Ju came over and we had band practice...we're the best cover band in the world!! Garrett and Katie are in the band too - and we did some recording - it sounds awesome!! lol - if I knew how to post that sort of thing I would - but it's not quite done yet - Garrett and I still have to put vocals on the one track lol - it should be great...lol
Friday I babysat Mack all day and now here I am - with no plans for New Years Eve yet - but I'm sure something will happen - if not - I'm just as content to stay in and do nothing - it's highly overrated anyways.

But that brings us up to date with me!! Happy New Year!!

What's Blog-Worthy Today??

Hmm let's see - I haven't done much of anything - but felt that it was my duty to keep up the blog up to date over the holidays while Nikki is away from work - a much needed break - however the blog is going to suffer - cause well - I'm just not that exciting!! haha - that and I won't be home a lot - I've got lots of travelling to do in the next few days - but it'll be fun.

I'm kinda bored...there's not much going on...it's raining here - likely to freeze later. ohh I have a story - my boss (well I guess ex-boss) called yesterday and told me I have to bring back my name tag and my discount card lol - I'm like man...it expires on December 31 anyways - but whatever I can bring it in - like after Christmas - cause I'm not going anywhere near a mall before then!! haha - so they won't get it all back until next week anyways.

and I might just be going to that caroling party tonite lol - I'm sure to get beat up!! lol - if I do end up going I shall post a blog about it.

But that's about all I can think to write - I'll try again later!! lol

Lol Thanks!

So thanks for thinking I'm a slut with myself!! haha -cause I'm not!! And I would like to point out that the bruise is on my left hand...not my right hand (I'm right handed) so it couldn't be from that anyways!!

on some funny notes...I went grocery shopping with my parents last nite and we went to three stores...oi right - well as we were walking by this one isle I stopped dead in my tracks, my mom bumped into me and was all - what the hell?? I said - look - there's a guy down there with his shirt over his head! and alas - there was - and he was scratching himself...and he worked there - so my mom said we didn't need to go down that isle lol

then today Garrett and I were out shopping and we took a run for it across the street and this guy on the bench yells "Merry Christmas!! Watch out for that Truck!!" cause there was a truck coming at us - but then I started laughing and it was more likely that I was gonna get hit by the truck now then if he said nothing at all!! lol

I know what that is from

it's commonly known as the "masturbation bruise", now i know why you're never on the computer...lol

My Freakish green bruise...I have no idea how it got there...but it gets brighter everyday!! :D 

My freakish green bruise...I have no idea how it got there...but it gets brighter everyday!! :D 

I want my own car just for this

Humor: More Bumper Stickers

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.

2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.

10. To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.

11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

34. It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

35. I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

36. [On The Back Of A Biker's Vest] If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off.

37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

39. [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep] If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over

40. Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

41. [At a restaurant] Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

44. Ax Me About Ebonics

45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

46. Boldly Going Nowhere

47. Cat: The Other White Meat

48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

50. Heart Attacks - God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

55. Saw It. Wanted It. Had A Fit. Got It!

56. Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition

57. What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull

58. PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals

59. Keep Honking – I’m re-loading!

we're all going to hell

A stingy old attorney, who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan was that when he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased attorney's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

sad, but true...

Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?

who's up for twinkies??

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut....she is eating a snack
cake... the barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get
hair on your twinkie."

"I know, "she replies. "I'm gonna get boobies, too."

What Looks Like A Disaster...Turns out Pretty Good! 

Starting to Come Together 

The Side View 

The Finished House!! It IS a masterpiece!! Haha 

Gingerbread penis

7 Ways To Annoy At Christmas


1. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting,
"Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."

2. Hang a stocking with your roommate's name on it. Collect coal and sharp
objects in it.

3. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you
never get to join in on the reindeer games.

4. Sing "All I want for Christmas is your two front teeth..."

5. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.

6. Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.

7. Take some miniature marshmallows and put them in a little baggie. Attach
a note to the bag that has a picture of a snow man and this poem:

'You have been naughty, and here's the scoop
All you get is the snowman's poop!'

Euphomismoe's

Top Ten Rejected Mob Euphemisms for Killing a Guy


10. Validate his parking stub

9. Cancel his subscription to "Life" magazine

8. Decaffeinating his espresso

7. Celining his Dion

6. Moving his show to CBS

5. Feeding him a Taco Bell death-burrito supreme

4. Giving him tickets to a John Tesh concert

3. Introducing him to Lorne Greene

2. Get him a room at the "I'm-Not-Alive-Anymore" hotel

1. Killing him

a few pointers for lindsay

This boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out
> together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand
> on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a
> blowjob?"
>
> "What? You're crazy???!!!"
>
> "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
>
> "No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor . . ."
>
> "At this time of the night no one will show up."
>
> "I've already said NO, and NO!"
>
> "Honey, it's just a small blowjob . . . I know you like it too."
>
> "NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
>
> "Baby . . . don't be like that."
>
> At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown
> with hair a mess, rubbing her eyes and says . . .
>
> "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come down and
> blow the guy himself, but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to
> take his hand off the intercom."

what a sad but true story

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
> absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
> many sad email addicts with nothing better to do.
>
> So this is how it works:
>
> 1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
> horrible will happen to you like:
>
> *Bizarre Horror Story* #1
> Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
> recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack
> in
> the
> sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
> poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
> she died too.
>
> This Could Happen To You!!!
>
>
> *Bizarre Horror Story* #2
> Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
> it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a
> plane that just happened to be flying directly above him.
>
> This Could Happen To You Too!!!
>
>
> Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send
> this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay

Joke of the day

Blonde Joke

This blonde got a brand new sports car for her 16th birthday, while she
was out driving she was having fun and cut off a tractor trailer driver.
The tractor trailer driver motioned her to pull off to the side of the
road.
When she pulled over, the truck pulled behind her and the driver got
out.
He took out chalk from his pocket and drew a circle on the road. Told
the blonde not to step out of the circle. And he went in to her car and
cut
her leather seats all up.
When he turns around the blonde has a slight giggle on her face. So he
says, "You think that's funny, watch what I do now." He goes into his
truck and pulls out a bat and smashes her windows and her car up.
Now she is laughing. He gets mad, pulls out his pocket knife again and
slices the tires. She starts laughing almost so hard she can't stand
up.
The truck driver gets really mad, goes in and gets the gas can and
torches her car. Now she is on the ground rolling and laughing out of
control.
The truck driver turns and asks her "What's so funny? I just destroyed
your brand new sports car."
She replies, "When you weren't looking I stepped outside the circle four
times!"

who's the hussey now?

lol don't deny it...just don't fall for the "oh i've lost my retainer, can i look down your shirt for it?" lol cause it's not there!!!!

well it's good to hear that you had fun...i would have gone to the hotel room! lol or the back seat of a car...so i have no idea where your morals and values came from!!!

my weekend was spent babysitting, but Halle's cute, so that was alright, she dances better than me though...and she says "ow" and "bad" so my sister is under the impression i beat her..lol

next week, britt and vicki and i are goign to the movies...it's nice to finally hang out with some people...vicki's nice..lol we were kinda making fun of people at the christmas party..lol one of the lawyers walked in and vicki whispered to me "he's wearing a Bill Cosby shirt" lol i killed myself laughing...and we've got our slushi party all set in mind...so slushi blue lagoons, here i come!!! finally!

The Hungover Blog

Lol -yeah I got a wicked hangover...it's not fun - however last nite was lots of fun - so I guess it's worth it - I just wish that you could drink without feeling all sickly later. But let's go back over the whole weekend shall we?? ok!

Saturday:

Got up and did absolutly nothing, preparing myself for my last day at work. Then the phone rings and it's my boss - it's really not busy today so I'm cancelling ur shift - but I'll see you tonite at my house! Sweet!! Last day was cancelled - I was done the day before and I didn't even know it! So I was all happy about that so I layed around some more and had a power nap and got ready to go over to Kerri's around 7. So I get to her house and I'm the first one there - well Ashley was there - but she had been there since 3 - and Kerri was still in the shower getting ready so Ashley and I just talked for like an hour while Kerri's dog mauled me!! lol - he's a chocolate lab - but he's just a puppy so he wouldn't get off of me - and would bite me like crazy - not hard - well I have one bruise on my hand - but that's ok. Then around 8:30 another girl showed up, then another at 9, then another at 10:30 - and the rest never showed!! I was somewhat shocked! So anyways we all proceeded to drink - and whoa did I get drunk - I had my jug with like 10 shots in it and I did a couple jello shooters too - so I was right tippy. Then Kerri, Ashley and I decide it would be a good idea to go to the bar - so we get her brother to drive us there and we go in and we danced up a storm!! And the guys were swarming us...something I'm not used to lol - I know I'm so cool - but anyways - it was cool - and we had a couple winners - this one guy just kept screaming - "I get low!!" and would dance all the way down to the floor and dance back up - so we're like - uh huh - yup - ur awesome - then he wouldn't go away - so Ashley and I grab him and sandwich him and dance down to the floor with him and dance back up and he was all "Yeah!!! I got low!!" and then thankfully he left. There were a bunch of Santa Clauses there too - and we danced with a couple of them. And now for my big pick up story...so this guy comes up behind Ashely and starts dancing with her - and she dances back - and this guy is dancing behind me and Kerri - but at a distance - so we really thought nothing of it. But then buddy that was dancing with Ashley switched and started to dance with Kerri and some new guy was dancing with Ashley - and I felt all left out - until I noticed that the guy who was dancing behind me and Kerri was still there - and I also figured out that he was the friend of buddy who was dancing with Kerri. So I back up and start dancing with him - and well - he must have liked it cause he stayed there for like 45 mins - we even danced to the slow songs at the end. But I wasn't really expecting anything to come from all this cause well I was super drunk and for some reason had lots of confidence lol - so I was all - sure whatever - I'll dance like crazy with you all the while he was grabbing my ass - I was like - huh - so this is what it's like to pick up in a bar. lol but it was harmless fun - and Kerri and Ashley made sure to keep eye contact with me lol so then the lights came on and we all went over to get our coats and we all go out onto the street where the two guys are like - we have a hotel room would u ladies like to come back and have a drink - we're like no...I'm thinking - haha u put all that time into us and now ur not gonna get anything!! But we stayed outside and talked to them for a while - I'm guessing my guy was like 27ish - but he was pretty cute so I didn't really care - and he said he lived in Coburg so it's not like I'm ever gonna see him again. So then we get into the car and Kerri is all - we should go to the hotel and surprise them lol - I'm like NO!! But I did get a packet of matches from the whole thing lol - they were on the bar tour and they went to Clancy's - where they got matches and he was showing me and I said - oh yeah. And then as I go to give him back his matches hes like - no u can keep those. I'm like thanks...I'll cherish them forever. lol - I didn't say that - but like...whoo matches. hahaha and that was my fun Saturday nite!! Who knew a Staff Christmas party could be so fun?? haha

Sunday:

woke up with a nasty hangover and still rather wobbly. it was Christmas for Mackenzie so I drag myself out of bed at 10am and sit on the couch and watch her open presents. Then I had to shower and try to make myself look presentable for my family christmas dinner with my mom's side of the family - which was doable - but I hadn't eaten anything so I was feeling really sickly and my uncle was like - are u hungover too?? I'm like yes. He's like - yeah - I think there's a couple of us that are. haha - ohh gotta love it. Then I got back home and wrapped all the presents and cleaned up my room adn did the laundry - so for a hungover day it's been pretty productive even tho now I"m tired as hell and I had a nap lol.

and that was my weekend - how was urs???

The DRunk Blog!!!

WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I had the best nite wiht my boss and coworkers!! Onlu 6 of us showed up - but it was still a blast! and I would so go out with thme again! cause I picked up tontie - ohyeaH!! lol - I got an invite back tot eh hotel lol - I obviously shut him down - but his friend wanted Kerri to come too lol - she was liek - we should go!! lol - I'm like Kerri - I think thte guy I was dacing with all nite, on closer inspection looks like he's late 20s almost 30 - while fun to dance with - nt so much to go back to the hotel room with - altho he was from out of town - lol I could have had my first one nite stand!!! hahahaha but I was a good girl and went home - and took Kerri with me cause she has a boyfirend and I was like - no u don't wanna do that lol - not htat she was going to - but still it was funny. I'm liek - it's ok to dance not ok to sleep with!

anyways I was just excited cause I picked up lol - I gotta go to ebd bw - but I will post the big blog abotu my nite tomorrow when I'm sober and can think and tupe straight.

Lindsay's trek to find the tropical zebra..

ended in death.....not Lindsay's though...thank god....while in the car listening to the crappy music that the eighties produced....Lindsay ran over the last tropical zebra that roams the world......her heart sunk, knowing full well that Juan Ricardo Delhottie would never have her...

So, she trudges back to peterborough, to look for a new man, and who does she find?? The one true man Lindsay knew she wanted to be with for the rest of her life (which will be tragically cut short b/c of her habit of not locking her car doors and someone broke in and drover her intoa river)

she ran home, changed into a beautiful pink dress, that had puffy sleeves, and tulle and fake sparkles on it...she put her hair in french braided pig tails...and went to find her long lost love....

she f ound him....sitting outside of a store, singing songs and washing windows...and she proposed...well the man of her dreams agreed...and So ends the tragic love affair Lindsay almost had Juan Ricardo Delhottie, and her new future with Mike, dude from ADR....

Live long, lindsay and Mike...i'd love to make the toast at your wedding...and i bet that's how you got the mark you did in ADR, you devil you!

And Juan said..

"um bigomy's allowed right? cause I'm kinda promised to this woman they refer to as "netted ham" ' Lindsay Plumber was devasted...just than she farted..."oh, i guess i wasn't pregant, just gassey" Lindsay invited Juan Ricardo into her home...as he was walking into the house he picked the wedgie that his tightie whities had caused...just than he shreiked in terror..."what is that!" he yelled, Lindsay looked down and said "that's Jake" Juan Ricardo backed up slowly...crying tiny tears down his bronzed cheeks....he got outside and fled onto his scooter..Lindsay came out and demanded to know what was wrong. Juan replied "in my country, we call those Cujorittos" we usually eat them, in a burrito fashion...but when cornered, they become deadly...and they're signs of infertility, not sure how that custom came about, but you know..."

Lindsay realized just then that the man she had always lusted for was never meant to be....she would not be having any mulleted-unibrow-little Juan Ricardo Plumbers any time soon....

just than Juan said "in my country, if you are able to find a tropical zebra, that is a sign of a strong marriage...go my child and find a tropical zebra..and when you come back we will have lusty sinful sex on your bed..you know the one with the fruit juice stain.?"

Just then, Juan was thinking of something he could write to a dirty magazine, but like most people, he could not for the life of him think of something that rhymed with 'throbbing manhood'

So lindsay put on her best outfit..a hypercolour t-shirt...tapered acid washed jeans and hi-tops...and on she went..thinking of the impending hot sex she was soon gonna be having....before she left to find her tropical zebra...she knew where she had to go..she was going to find Kim "the track star", she would know where to find this creature...

Tune in tomorrow to find out whether or not Lindsay found the magical creature that would allow her to marry Juan Ricardo Delhottie...and would allow her to have Hustler style sex on her bed....that she may or may not video tape for the blog...or send to people she meets through Lavalife...

My Day...

I'm catching up on all the blogging I haven't done in the past little while - Nikki are u proud??

So today I had a really good lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen for over a year - which is crazy cause we grew up together and for like 12 years saw each other everyday and were basically inseperable. So it was really nice to see her and we chatted for like 3 hours and totally caught up - and we're gonna try to make plans for me to come down and visit her in Ottawa in January - so that would be nice!! And tomorrrow we're gonna go visit my friend who just had a baby - she;s only 2 weeks old - awww - so I'm gonna take my camera and get some pics - should be uber cute. and then Garrett and I are going on a liquor run - which I'm really excited for lol - which reminds me...I gotta transfer some money into my account lol - oh yeah!! Weedy Booze Whore is coming back!! LOL

And - I'm so looking forward to Saturday nite - staff party - but it'll be so fun - cause I'm gonna get inialated! and at the boss' house - should be fantastic!! I'll have tons of stories on Monday from that one!!!

and I think that catches me up...can't wait for more Juan stories tomorrow...it's like our own little blog soap opera....lol

My Nite at Work...

So apparently when film gets distoryed in transit and you can't get any pictures off of it this pisses people off. This is what happened to Sunday's film....that had 70 sessions on it...approximatly 420 photos gone...just gone. And well there is no way that we can reshoot them all. Luckily we got a phone call today saying - hey we retrieved 58 sessions - weee. But that still leaves us with 12 sessions unaccounted for....which means no family chirstmas pictures for 12 families. So how many screaming customers did we have in the store tonite or on the phone...u guessed it...12. Thank god I'm not up high enough to have to deal with their shit - however - my manager left for the nite and people kept calling or coming in telling us off - and I'm like - I didn't even work that nite and I have no idea what's going on - why don't u go calm urself and have a seat and someone else will be right with u. So people are throwing hissy fits all over the studio - as are the customers that had sessions tonite cause we were running behind due to the other screaming customers...man - it was like hell. But I just went about doing my thing - cause my new favourite phrase to tell irrate customers that won't shut it..."Unfortunatly I can't do anything for you." and then they freak out more and I just walk away and let the managers deal with them. So glad I'm getting out of there before the shit really hits the fan. 2 more shifts....2 more shifts....

Gingerbread Virgins

So I've decided that this year I'm going to make a gingerbread house from scratch. I've also decided that it is going to be a masterpiece!!! My mom's best friend Nancy (who's like an aunt to me) told me that she would help me make it - so I thought - oh this will be great - she's made one before - so it really could work out. Well then my mom was talking to her tonite and as it turns out we are both gingerbread virgins. which means neither of us have ever made one from scratch. So I'm looking forward to the good times that will no doubt ensue - however - it's sure to be messy and possibly disaterous. I will be sure to take lots of pics and post the final creation. My plan - well we both know what a house looks like - so how hard can it be right?? right...

LOL

Ok - so I'm laughing my ass off - however - why am I a white trash slut?? and why does Juan have to keep getting uglier?? Is this the only kind of guy that I can pick up?? a unibrowed, forgettful latino?? and what's with my kids name?? lol they will never be able to spell it - not with a hussey for a mom and an idiot for a father. oi - this story is going downhill fast. I can't wait for the "Sexy results"

And Altho I'll agree that my sexiest pj's are my flannel pants - I never wear stained sweaters (that I didn't happen to accidently stain that day) nor do I wear scrunchies - well not since the 80s, and I most definatly don't wear bunched up socks - they drive me crazy. So my conclusion is that the only thing this character shares with me is a name and not my real name at that - it's not even loosely based on me!! lol - so I would like everyone to know right now that I am not a hussey - altho I've been called one (thanks mom.)

Juan Ricardo's biggest mistake...

was cutting his hair...so as penance..he was allowing the hair to grow in between his eye brows...and slowly but surely....he was growing a mullet which he thought was just purely sexy...

Juan Ricardo adjusted his skin tight levi cut-off jeans.....you see, Juan was a nevernude...and was proud of it....anyways, Juan was in Peterborough, looking for a lady...and he had to perfect on in sight....He had seen this girl the day before throwing paper airplanes at an innocent rabbit...and seeing as that was his cultural thing...he decided that this woman was mating material...so he showed up at this girls house (her name is lindsay plumber)... he arrives and there she stood in her doorway wearing her sexiest p.j's...which consisted of thick flannel pants...those tall socks that you bunch around you calfs....a sweater and a scrunchie in her hair....and the sweater had the obligitory stains on it.....

"oh juan ricardo delhottie"..exclaimed Lindsay "i thought you'd never shown up" you see Juan Ricardo had this "condition" where he forgot things..he'd already forgotten that he had been banging his drum with Lindsay the day before...and when lindsay left he said "tomorrow, i might not show up at your house"....so Lindsay was very surprised..for she had some very good news for him
"juan ricard delhottie"..she said "i'm pregnant...somehow through our banging yesterday..i was impregnanted with your child...at least i think it was your child..i'm kind of a hussey...and well i want to be the next Lindsay Marie Magnolia Meruvian Plumber Delhottie... so will you marry me..
and Juan Ricardo Delhottie said..."

you'll have to wait until tomorrow's installment to findout what happens when Juan is confronted with the fact he is a father...and the sexy results that occur..giggity giggity

Character Buliding

so if Juan Ricardo Delhottie is going to be a reoccuring character on the blog I feel taht we need to give him a background. He grew up on the hard streets of Cuba...this is where he first learned drumming. The Delhottie family are well - full of hotties of course and knowing this Juan moved to the United States to get famous from his drumming and his good looks. Well when the US shunned him he came to a much more accepting Canada where he settled...where else but in Peterborough - every rock stars dream! And just to add a plot twist he cuts off his hair and looks 10 times better now because of it!! (since Nikki told me I'm starring in this little story she's got going on - I want him to at least be hot - and the long hair just had to go!!) and well - we all know me as a character so I won't go into it. Now it's up to Nikki to come up with story lines and what happens with me and Mr. Delhottie. Good luck - and maybe one day we will get published in Hustler...every girls dream.

My exciting night...

yup i shaved my legs...lol i figured, you know that the last time i shaved them was the wednesday before i went to peterborough, so i thought i was long over due...lol and that consumed a large portion of my night! That and i watched Barenaked for the Holidays...which was good, i love BNL...

Countdown is on!

only 3 more shifts at work!! I'm so excited!! and only like 11 more days until Christmas -sweet!

It's Gonna Be a Drunken Holiday!

Lol - there's gonna be lots of drinking to be had over the holidays this year! and it's gonna be great! Let's see...Garrett and I are going on a liquor run on Thursday cause we need to stock up for it!! lol - I'm done work on Saturday and he's done school on Friday - obviously time to celebrate!! Saturday nite is my staff Christmas party - and my boss said we were allowed to drink - so drink I will!! Then throughout the week should be pretty tame unless something comes up - but then Christmas Eve we have the shooter tradition where we all have to have at least one shot before the nite is over. Then for Christmas morning mom said that she found the best drink that we can have with breakfast - so I guess we're drinking on Christmas morning too..ohh and..lol I quote my mom..."We can drink hot chocolate too...laced with liquor of course!" lol - then that nite I'm going to my step-sisters where there may or may not be drinking...most likely will be. lol Then I was talking to my dad tonite (who rarely drinks) and he says - Linds...I'm drinking the best drink right now! I'm like -ur drinking?? on a Tuesday nite?? he's like -yes - I'm getting ready for the holidays - and I've discovered this drink - it's sooo good. I'm like - what is it?? He says - Sex on the Beach - I say with great enthousiasm - I LOVE THOSE!! err umm I mean...I hear they are really good. He's like -don't lie - I know u've proabably been drunk more times then me lol. Then he says - have u ever had jello shooters?? I say - have I ever! and tell him the best way to make them lol so then he goes on to tell me what he went out and got - he's like - I got a bottle of vodka, scotch, peach shnapps, wiskey, rum and brandy - lol and he said he got the brandy to be classy hahahaah - ohhh father. so then he's like - so we can drink when u guys come down - and I'm all damn right - I've only seen u drunk twice - this will be great!! and free drinks to boot - oh yeah! (and my dad gets the good stuff!!) so it should be some good times spent with the family this year - I'm so taking my camera to get some quality shots. I'm looking forward to it!!! hahaha

Drum Banging

This story is a true account of the events that occured last night..

Lindsay arrived at Juan Ricardo Delhottie's house around 7:00...all pumped up for her big drum banging night, but she had other things in mind....carnal...sinful things.... Juan Ricardo Delhottie had just finished working out..the sweat poured
down his glistening muscles....and his long brown hair was damp....Lindsay stopped and reminded herself that she was her to bang something of the drum type...and that was all the banging she was going to get herself into this evening...Juan Ricardo put on some Jon Secada for Lindsay to drum to....however, she couldn't keep beat because Juan Ricardo was standing to close to her....so she slowly turned around and looked Juan Ricardo Delhottie in the eyes and stood up to whisper something in his ear...and that message was "Good god lindsay if you read this far did you think iwas going to put something with sex in the story..i'm at work!"

Christmas Party Time!!

I'm excited!! I'm all ready to go over to Matt's house for the party - just waiting on Ju to come and pick me up - and I'm hungry - so the pot luck will be most excellent!! lol I'll be sure to post pics and stories tomorrow...cause I got the day off - my tenative shift got cancelled - yay!!

My friend Sarah had her baby! She has a beautiful baby girl - her name is Nevaeh - heaven spelt backwards - and so I'm gonna go visit them on Thursday - I'll be taking my camera there too - she'll be so cute!! She was born on December 3.

But yeah that's about all that's going on here...ohh wait...a funny story....I was talking to Ryan online today and he's all - go check out this website - so I do - but as I do I'm calling Leanne and just as her machine picks up the website pops up and it's these two people having sex to funny music (can't remember the song I was too distracted) - so I burst out laughing while I'm trying to leave a message on Leanne's machine and hang up. Leanne calls me right back and says - Are u ok?? what's wrong?? I'm like - what?? nothing...why?? she's like - man it sounded like u were crying on the phone!! I was like -ohh no...that was me laughing...lol - so I had another good laugh. oi - then I gave Ryan proper shit for sending me to gross websites!! lol

A Blessing in Disguise

I think u'll be way better off without that job - u hate it and the people you work with suck ass. So maybe this is fate's way of getting you out of there - timing bad yes...but losing a job u hate - motivation to find a job u like and be picky about which one u'll accept this time around.

As for me...the countdown is on!! 8 more days to go!! I got my last schedule and I only work like 17 hours next week :D and I have like 3 days off - so I'm quite the happy girl! And I went online to look at jobs and there is an opening in Peterborough for an entry family law clerk - ohhh so maybe things are looking up!

Work tonite was fine - nothing exciting happened - just same old shit different day.

Leanne and I went to Matt's place last nite to hang out for a while and get his place ready for our party on Sunday - well...lol guys live like pigs!! There were beer bottles, cigarette butts and marijuana pariphanalia everywhere!! lol - we took everything off the coffee table and it was caked in ashes...sooo gross lol. So Leanne and I (mostly Leanne) cleaned up, swept the floor and started on the mountain of dishes they had going in the kitchen (they used all the plates, silverware and cups in the house - I had to drink from an empty jar lol) But it looks much better now - we were there until 3am - well Matt and I were asleep on the couch by like 2am - but Leanne is working nites so she had to stay up really late so she was ready to go for the long haul - I was beat lol.

And that's about all that I've been up to!

Merry Christmas

so I go into the bosses office to get some stuff signed before i mail it out and he says "come in, shut the door, and come in" where he proceeds to ask me how i'm liking things...I lied, obviously, i said i liked it, but it was a lot slower than it was in the summer...i said that it may not be so slow if i was taught corporate law, but that i understand that my co-worker is only part time and it is hard for her to teach me....

well to give you the jist of the story...he said he doesn't want me here if there isn't stuff for me to do and if it doesn't pick up after christmas well I won't be part time..he said that he understands that he hired me for full time, but if the works not there....so i honestly believe he was trying to get out of me the fact that i hate it here, cause if he did than he'd be able to let me go completely and not feel bad for it...

oh well, the surprise is on him if he thinks i'm staying here part time...i'll find a job that is better..but i'm not working part time when i have 12,000 to pay back, plus a car loan when my dad goes back to work....so tough shit...this may be my perfect out..but i'm not impressed with the timing.....who tells someone before christmas that there job may be shorted when they get back from christmas break?

Nicole won!

on America's next top model...which i was happy for, i felt sorry for the girl after her red bull was stolen..lol and Meg died on Veronica Mars..which was suspicious cause she had just regained consciousness after her school bus plunged into the ocean and she was the only survivor, and it turned out the accident was meant to kill Veronica...but Meg was pregnant with Duncan's baby, and they didn't know that and Duncan and Veronica are dating, but they weren't for a while cause you know Veronica changed after her best friend and Duncan's sister was brutally murdered, and Veronica's dad the sheriff accused the family of having something to do with it, but it wasn't them, they thought Duncan did it, but he didn't so they covered it up, but really it was Logan's dad who killed her cause he was having an affair with her, even though she was Logan's girlfriend....but anyways, at the beginning of the episode Meg told Veronica not to let her parent's give her baby to this certain adoption agency and she said that if anything ever happens to her, not to let her parent's keep the baby..dun dun du...

Save me

oh my god, i've closed out over 313 files in less than 24 hours...it hurts to look at numbers, and um, i'm pretty sure i've screwed a few things up but oh well...it's hush hush on my end..

and um lindsay, if you want to convince people you're not MRF...lol than you gotta not tell dancing and singing stories...wait, was your shirt inside out and were you wearing a buck skin hat?lol

tonight's the season finale for America's Next Top Model...lol and i'm so excited for the drama..cause believe me, there is drama..in one episode a girl finds out a granola bar of hers is missing. so she believes it is Nicole who took (she doesn't really know for sure) so she pours Nicole's Red Bull down the sink..lol and than Nicole asked her about it and Bre, the girl who poured out the Red Bull said "well my granola bar is gone, what are we gonna do about it?" and Nicole said "you stole my drinks, that's stealing" and bre said "well what are we gonna do about it" and Nicole said "you're a mean person" and Bre said "what are we gonna do about that?" lol but the drama got played out in front of Tyra cause Kim told Jay about it..lol so it was much fun for me!

and tonight...some one in Veronica Mars' world dies..lol i sound like a commercial...but that's the extent of my night tonight..which is alot like my other nights

Kim just emailed me and asked me if i remembered the time she wore her coat and put her hood up and it had a duck bill on it...god that girl is also MRF

I'm not a MRF!

Lol - altho most days it seems like it! However...funny stories from work again...Me and Jill were in the camera room with this family of 10...oi - 6 of them were kids - one of the dad's was being lippy - all of which leads to not very good pics. so we are doing everything in our power to get them all to look at us and smile at the same time (keeping in mind all 6 kids are under the age of 8 - so good luck) after the 7th pic the one dad was like - screw this - I told u it wasn't gonna work! So we decide to just get a pick of the kids and so to get them to smile Jill and I start singing Jingle Bells - well the other kids got into it - but the 6 year old boy starts screaming - Stop!! Stop it you guys!! so we burst out laughing - like we're in tears on the floor - but after about an hour with these guys we get a couple shots off (18 in total...)

My next session is this kid who won't come out from behind dad - he won't even look at the camera until I'm out of the room! So I go out with the remote in my hand and try to center it all on the screen by just peeking around the corner of the door trying to stay out of the kids sight to take the friggin picture!

A couple of sessions later - 3 brothers - it was really funny - cause I'm pretty sure all three were gay - cause they were fussing about their hair and I took one shot and the one guy went "Uh my hair looks so blonde today! I don't know what's up with it!" I couldn't help but laugh - but they were really fun to work with - so it as all good.

And that basically sums up my nite!

Oh Santa

lol my day just wouldn't be complete without checking out Santa's sac...literally..thanks linds for the image..it makes work that much better!!!lol but you do have a lot of time on your hands..lol i'm not sure the "unspecial" or the non MRF would have noticed that!

My Advent Calender...Day 6

So I got up this morning and went to my advent calender to get my morning chocolate. It was day 6 - and the box today was Santa's crotch - kinda weird being as the picture of Santa on my calender looks like he's riding a bull instead of his sleigh...anyways...I open the door and find that today's picture is - two sticks and two balls (which being the dirty minded person I am - looks like two penises and two balls - I know Santa is magical - but I never thought he would have two penises.) So I burst out laughing to myself thinking the advent calender people must have had a chuckle over that one! And then I pull out the chocolate (which never match the picture) and what is it?? It's a snowman's face...now I laugh even harder cause the snowman was going down on Santa .... ohhh too funny. I posted pics to illustrate!

Santa's Crotch...Day 6 of the advent calender 

What the "prize" was for opening the door... 

Hey Rita

You know what Linds...you should have watched Arrested Development..lol you and Rita are similar in a lot of ways....

so i had a deal that was supposed to close on thursday but there were problems..so Ed told me it was closing today, we discussed it several times..however, lawyers being lawyers, he didn't tell the other friggin lawyer it was closing today, they think it's closing tomorrow...so i have my file up at the registry office(which was not bombed) and my certified cheque ready, and our client is in sarnia, as opposed to being over in the states where she lives...but there's no lawyer here to fix the problem..god, men and laywers are idiots!

12 More...

Days left in my job!!! I'm excited - I was talking to my boss yesterday and I was like - I'm excited for the staff party on the 17th - it's like a little going away party for my last day! She's like or...u could stay until Christmas...I'm like - nah - I would really like that week off (and being as I gave her notice in Novemeber -I think that it's only fair I get to leave when I want - I should have been done in like 4 days! lol)

Last nite at work...I had a mom, dad and baby - I think the baby was 4 months old or something like that - it doesn't really matter - anywho - the parents are like - she doesn't really smile...unless u dance. I say to them - you want me to dance?? They are like yes - it'll make her laugh. Im like - can I make Tigger dance instead? they tell me I can try it but it would be better if I did a little dance. So what do I do...but I break into a little dance...and a half sing - I do believe my song went as such...."Doin' a little dance...look at me and tigger dance." well it not only made the baby laugh but the parents were laughing at me too...I so do not get paid enough for that!! lol

Walk the Line

was very good, Joaquin Pheonix looked and talked exactly like Johnny Cash, i was impressed..it was long though and the theatre seats here suck something fierce..they are short and they lean back really far...i almost slipped outta my seat...

however, i've seen non-stop promoting of Syriana...and I've seen even more spots with Thomas McCarthy in it, so i am absolutly delirous with my resolution that i AM going to see that movie....!

So cubbers the wonder rabbit, got under my bed this weekend even though it was blocked off, she knocked off the lid to my picture box and chewed on some pictures...she was not that pleasant this weekend...however, i did finish my movie..which made me laugh hysterically...so i shall pass it on to people if i can....

370 more ...

blogs to go!!!!

Oh god i'm gonna lose it today,I've learned one thing about this job..
it's every man for themselves here....so someone gave a client their resolutions and capital dividends to sign and put in their minute book, despite the fact that both were wrong, and the lawyer put them on my table until we spoke with the client to figure out what was wrong, was mumbling that it was my fault for leaving them there even though I didn't!!! and than later on the lawyer came out wondering where a hard copy was of an important letter that we sent to a client..well i said i for sure sent the letter out, but i may not have put it in the file b/c i needed help from someone else...well i've been waiting over three months for help, and i'm doubting it's coming anytime soon! I've asked for help three times now to show me how to do capital dividends...and i'm still waiting, so i won't hold my breath....yet they wonder why after so many months i'm still making mistakes? well you teach me shitty, you're gonna get a shitty job and than wonder why i haven't given you two weeks notice when i quit!!!!

Alberta

I just spoke to a man out in alberta who said that it was -29 and snowing there... i won't bitch about my -1 windy weather lol

My Godiva moment

rocked!!! i've eaten two out of three very expensive pieces, one was a starfish with raspberry filling, oh so good! and the Godiva Popper kept popping in my mouth, it was like pop rocks...but as britt and i were coming back into the office, my dad was in our parkinglot switching cars (my car tried ditching me this morning when the power steering went) so i had to throw my chocolate at britt and run towards him to distract him, cause he's been doing really good on his diet, he's already lost 55 pounds, most of which i've managed to find...

Syriana

So I watched a long movie trailor of Syriana and i really want to see it..it looks super interesting and Thomas McCarthy is in it, i think he has a small part..but i have a mad girly crush on him so that has influenced my decision a little, he was also in Good Night and Good Luck, again, which influenced my desire to see it...you see Thomas McCarthy was the one who wrote and directed The Station Agent which was amazing and he was in Boston Public...and Meet the parents(which i won't hold against him)....but he's an all around cutie...so i'm going to the movies tonight and guess what we're seeing??? Syriana...NOPE... we're going to see Walk the Line, which better be good!

Flu Shot

So I got my flu shot today, i went in there before work thinking..."well if i'm late, this is a good excuse" since the free clinic finishes up here today...so i go in there hoping for a line up and there isn't one...i waited about 5 minutes than the girl asked me to "strip down" and i asked her where she was putting the needle....well wheni was done she told me to stay in the lobby for 15 minutes and not to leave cause i could have a reaction...so i slowly walked out and put my coat on and started looking at posters that were close to the door, and i flew outta there...so hopefully i dont drop dead cause that would suck

and now my arm feels like someone punched me....almost like that time lindsay beat me up in school...it hurts real bad....

but to lighten up my day, apparently there was a bomb threat at the whole court house here, not just the registry office, but EVERYONE had to be evacuated...and they have been out for over two hours...i heard her threatened the place, but i'm not allowed to tell damnit!

Born Free

Things to do in a Bathroom Stall
Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that!!!
Cheer and clap loudly everytime somebody breaks the silience with bodily function noise.
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"
Say "Damn, this water is cold."
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toliet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
Say, "Now how did that get there?"
Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt iterratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Play a well known song on your butt cheeks over and over again.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

Did Everyone Start Thier Advent Calenders Today??

I sure did!! Mmm December is a tasty month lol. So let me tell u the story of my day. I got up feeling craptastic and went to the doctor. They have this new computer system that no one knows how to use yet - so my doctor walks in and says- Lindsay - Ur gonna be my guinea pig. Instilling so much confidence in me since he has misdiagnosed me more than once lol - but I just laugh and say - oh..ok. Then asks what he can do for me - I say he can make the pain go away. He says - what are ur symptoms? so I tell him and he's all - so just pain no cold or flu symptoms?? Not other than the fever no. So with this stumped look on his face he says...hmm I don't know what that could be - sounds odd. I'm like - great - last time u said that u put me on medication I didn't need. So he gives me the dreaded blood work form (they always hurt me) and an xray sheet. He tells me that the results will be in tomorrow and will call me if he can do anything - however - one good thing is he gave me a note to take to work that gives me at least 4 days off - then he said - but if I bring u back in to put u on meds I'll give u more time off work - I say - I like you Doc. So I go downstairs to the blood taking place and get in the chair and there is a guy in the room with me - I'm guessing like 40's - well he's like freaking out about having his blood taken - the nurse had to give him a pillow and the look on his face when she put the needle on - priceless (not that I enjoy other people's pain - but it was just kinda funny) so I'm kinda looking at him while mine's being taken (I'm quite used to it being as I had a lot taken before so it doesn't phase me) and he's still in there getting it done when I leave - poor guy. So I go to the xray guy and he gives me the hospital gown and says - take off everything waist up - yes sir! and gives me this odd looking gown - it has 3 holes - so he gives me a demonstartion on how to put it on - and I get it after a couple mins and go into the room where he put the lead thingy around my waist and pushes me up against the xray machine and says - u need to be flat against it - I'm thinking - buddy stop pushing - I have boobs they aren't gonna go away! but he finally gets me how he wants me and says take a deep breath and hold it (which hurts bad!) and he's like hold it....hold it... hold it...k let go. then he comes back in and makes me put my arms over my head into a very awkward pose for a side view - so he gets that one and then puts me back in the change room to get dressed and off I go. Straight from there I go to work - left arm all numb cause the nurse who took my blood bruised me...and go up and give them my note and say "see ya Monday I guess...sorry" and then the assistant manager comes out and is all - wait let's look at the schedule. She says - oh there's really no one to work for u...I say - oh yeah...well I'm not coming in. so she said oh well I guess I'll have to work. I'm like - yeah...sorry - gotta go home. and home I went and I just finished watching the Polar Express - cute movie and now I'm here - telling about my day. I shall keep u posted on the results and what kind of mysterious illness I have this time around - here's hoping I don't have more testing coming my way!